The importance (or not) of affirmation

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Culture, etiquette, manners, rituals call it what you want. Functioning society thrives when people know and abide by a set of norms in the way they behave and interact with others.

I’ve previously suggested that the English thrive on ambiguity, a character trait that can prove hugely challenging to expatriates trying to comprehend what has (or has not) been agreed.

In an excellent comment, as part of my “A Collaborative Valedictory” reflection page, Maria Ana Botelho Neves who is Portuguese reminded me that, when she was CEO of the UK Charity I was a Trustee of, I gave her a book. The Culture Map became the backstop for many conversations with the English ex Army Chairman.

The author, Erin Meyer, poses business leaders these challenging questions:

Why does your Swedish colleague have so many problems leading his Chinese team? How do you foster a good relationship with your Brazilian suppliers while sitting at your desk in Europe?

How do you navigate the tricky task of performance reviews when your American employees precede negative feedback with three nice comments, while the French, Dutch, Israelis, and Germans skip the positives and get straight to the point?

What is the best method for getting your team based on four continents to work together effectively?

Face to Face collaboration can be tricky too: how do you intepret where people sit if you are in Asia; at what point in a meeting in the Middle East do you start talking business; if you are invited to the house of a client or colleague, what’s the appropriate gift to take; or is the taking of a gift seen as insulting? All have the propensity to cause unintended offence!

I’ve seen near misses in Italy where English drivers enter the Autostrada anticipate the car on the inside line will move over to accommodate them. They do not! It’s about custom.

As we move into a hybrid working environment and communicate mostly via social media tools (and email), the above challenges are amplified and the impact on business and relationships potentially damaging.

Bridging the cultural chasm in global wealth management

Many years ago, when I was Managing Partner of Sparknow, we undertook an assignment for a client who had recently rolled out a global administration system. Their challenge: to get people collaborating across timezones, cultures and language.

Virtual communications were at the core of the problem. There was a lack of understanding of the style and customs of others. Working with their learning & transformation team we asked each team member to keep a journal. Here’s an extract from our invitation to participate:

Following a set of interviews we created a booklet “Tick” (what makes us tick) to highlight their different cultures and customs and how to best work with each other.

Here’s a page from the section: “How not to write a confusing email”.

The success of this initiative was in embracing and affirming the positive contributions and unique aspects of different cultures. The global team had input into the booklet (we deliberately avoided the word ‘Guide’) and a sense of ownership. It was written in their words with their examples.

And finally

In the online world we inhabit today, where virtual presenteeism is becoming the norm, it is easy to feel isolated and misinterpret what is or is not being said.

Silence is a powerful tool. I’ve seen it used effectively by HMRC’s enforcement teams, I’ve used it when interviewing people about a sensitive subject or recollection such as an Oral History. It’s particularly effective when giving an address to pause and let an important point ‘land’,

However, a non response can be equally damaging to a working relationship. There is nothing more demotivating than sending a message to a colleague who you know has received it and get no response.

The thumbs up emoji is a wonderful tool to at least acknowledge and affirm a request.

What Does 👍 Mean. The thumbs up sign emoji 👍, also known as the “yes” emoji, is used to express general contentment. It can also be used to show approval and support for someone’s actions or ideas. It can also mean “great job” or “keep it up,” depending on the context.

emojipedia.org

Gloves and Mail Sacks: What happens when you don’t empower your team

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I’ve previously written about the Japanese practice/culture of Omotenashi; the pursuit of excellence in customer service by anticipating and exceeding customer needs. Where such a culture is not the norm and you aspire to high standards it is important customer facing team members are confident they have the authority to make clients or guests feel special and keen to return.

Here’s what can happen when they don’t feel they have the autonomy to make on the spot decisions.

The golf glove story

I’ve been in Sesimbra, Portugal for an annual trip with a few of my golfing buddies. Bear with me, this is not about the golf or the astonishing Sesimbra Carnaval which took place concurrent with our arrival and continued with gusto all night outside our hotel window!

Despite having some of the best courses around, golf in Portugal has not attained the same cult following as in other European countries. And it’s very difficult if you play left handed to acquire accessories such as golf gloves.

I’d managed to acquire one near to our home in Lisboa, so, fired up and ready to go I was looking forward to the next day’s game at Qunita Do Peru with renewed optimism.

Arriving in good time for our tee slot at “…one of the most prestigious golf courses” whose mission includes the phrase “Provide premium and unique experiences…”, clubs and glove were loaded onto our buggy while we went for a pre round bica. Almost immediately a very affable South African lady (Caddy Master) came to tell us she’d moved our bags and shoes to another cart. Coffee drunk, we went out to collect our gear only to discover my recently acquired (and unused) golf glove was nowhere to be seen.

Caddy Master was confused; she remembered transferring it to the new buggy and could not explain its dissapearance. Not wishing to create a fuss I asked her to make a few enquiries to see if it had been handed in at reception / pro shop. It had not!

The professional had a right hand glove in my size. Great I thought, problem solved. Except it wasn’t. I was then asked to pay. When I queried why, since they had moved my original glove, I was told it was on the replacement buggy and it was not their fault it had gone missing.

The giveaway phrase: “we would have to pay for the replacement”!

The mail bag story

Every 6 weeks or so, Bees Homes writes a letter to selected homeowners in which we provide an insight on the housing market as well as tips on how they might effectively present their property in the event they decide to sell.

Though time consuming, it has proved to be a valuable way of demonstrating expertise and generating future clientelle.

We usually manage to fill a couple of sacks with envelopes and the local post office (before it was closed) gave us sacks to make it easier and avoid clogging up post boxes.

A few weeks back I took two sackfulls into Ringmer Post Office housed (as most now are) in a convenience store. Greeted by a closed sign, the welcome was less than effusive. However a kind soul ‘John’ said if all we wanted was to deposit the sacks that was ok.

I thanked him and asked for replacement sacks. He was about to hand some over when a surly woman, perched behind the closed sign, said “Be careful John, we don’t have many sacks left”.

Fortunately, John ignored her and handed me a couple of replacements.

And the moral is?

In the first example at Quinta Do Peru, while everyone was very pleasant their response in a crisis was kilometres away from what they espoused to be. As a result none of us felt like going into the clubhouse for a meal and drink at the end of our round.

In the second, it was the crass stupidity of the remark and the way it was delivered that struck me. Had John not have offered replacements I would have asked him to put our sackfull into theirs and asked for mine back!

Reflecting on these and many other similar situations over the past few months I am left wondering where the disconnect occurs between the coporate narrative and those charged with delivering the service.

I think it comes down to empowerment and ownership: we hire expensive brand consultants to develop vision and mission statements but, absent a service culture, the lofty ideals they come up with fail to land with the people charged with implementing them. They don’t own the story!

How would your team behave in these situations. Are they empowered to make on the spot decisions and feel confident to do so knowing you have their back?

And finally

It would be remiss not to give a shout out to Alexandra Goncalves of Orizonte Golf the organiser of our Sesimbra sojourn. She ensured we were well briefed about the traffic restrictions around our hotel caused by Carnaval that might hinder our arrival and arranged for temporary storage of our golf clubs at Aroeira.

March of The Clowns: View from Sana Sesimbra Carnaval Feburary 23

Post script (March 23)

Alexandra shared my post with Quinta do Peru’s Director of Golf, Hugo Amaral. He responded to me as follows:

Dear Paul,

I was just told today by Alexandra about what happened on your visit to Quinta do Peru and I was shocked to know all the information.

I remember clearly such date as on the same day hosting a tournament for Edge college, and it was a very busy day. May that’s explains why I haven’t been informed on spot about what happened as I was probably on the course with the Tournament organizers.

I feel ashamed by all this situation and do hope that that incident didn’t ruined your experience at Quinta do Peru.

The fact that the Pro Shop isn’t owned by us, and of course we would have to reimburse the shop owner for the glove, shouldn’t be used as an excuse to incur you on an extra expense, and it should be our responsibility to fully replace your lost good.

I do hope that next time you are in the region you pay us a new visit as I would be more than happy welcome you and compensate you of this extra (forced) cost.

Please accept my apologies and my kindest regards,

Hugo

Hugo’s response was appreciated and reminded me of an experience in Cuba after which I wrote a piece on “A complaint is a gift“.

Barriers to communication: “Auditory Clutter”

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A few days ago while having breakfast, my wife and I were listening to The Today programme. Just after 7am Michelle Hussein interviewed a Professor of Pediatrics about the increasing incidence of Strep A in children and what could be done to prevent an expansion. Ten minutes later in the business round up, prompted no doubt by the recent collapse of FTX, there was an interview with the Editor of a financial journal about proposed crypto market regulation.

Both interviewees were knowledgeable yet while Ana and I could not recall much from the second we could recall most of the first. Why?

It wasn’t jargon, or technical terminology, that obstructed our hearing it was what Ana described as “Auditory Clutter”. As Managing Director of Bees Homes, she draws on an Interior Designer background in selling unique homes. Part of her expertise is to decluttter a property and stage it so prospective buyers can imagine themselves living there.

I would argue the same applies in communication. If we declutter our spoken words it makes it easier for the listener to grasp the message we are trying to convey and not get lost in redundant words. Interestingly, in the context of speech, “Cluttering” is described on Wikipedia as:

… a speech and communication disorder characterized by a rapid rate of speech, erratic rhythm, and poor syntax or grammar making speech difficult to understand.”

So, back to The Today interviews, what were the differences? In the first, responses were delivered at a considered pace, with good diction, a relaxed (almost Pilot like) manner, and a total absence of filler words. In the second, we lost count of the number of Ums and Ers; by the end we were listening to those and not the essence of the message.

Here’s a challenge. Next time you are talking to a group or a friend get them to count how many of these filler words or phrases they hear you say:

  • So
  • You know
  • I mean or You know what I mean
  • Like, as in, I was like
  • Er, Erm or Um, OK, right
  • Yeah

If you don’t think it matters, take a look at this sentence I heard someone utter recently, “English is like, totally fun to learn, you know”. If you remove the filler or redundant words “English is fun to learn” is more succinct and comprehensible.

An English phenomenan?

Lest you think this is purely an English phenomenan think again. In my adopted country Portugal, filler words play an important part in day to day conversations as I found when taking a language course a few months back.

I also recall when, as a budding young relationship manager at Saudi International Bank, I was sitting in front of the treasurer of the national airline in his Jeddah office telling him we will no longer offer encashment services in London for his staff and cabin crew. Though fluent in English he repeatedly used the word “Ya’ni“ between sentences. I was unsure at first if it was an insult – I discovered it wasn’t.

And finally

Is the use of filler (meaningless) words) necessarily a bad thing? I’ve spoken to people who say they form an essential part of conversations giving people thinking time before responding. I am indebted to Portuguese with Eli for this explanation:

They don’t have a meaning in and of themselves. But they do perform an important role in the conversation.

Sometimes they help you include the listener in what you’re talking about.

Other times they help you introduce a new topic or take a new turn in the conversation.

But mostly, they help you make time to think — and that’s their most important role.

My conclusion: try to avoid filler words if presenting or responding to formal questions BUT if having an informal conversation, go with what feels right!

Today’s photo:a rooftop conversation in Lisboa around SocialNow that was devoid of auditory clutter between a Canadian, Dutchman, Englishman and a Portuguese.

Going back in time: the value of “Paying it Forward”

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I was approached recently by a former client to see if I would be willing to update a piece of work I was involved with a decade ago.

I was initially reticent as much of my last 5 years has been occupied setting up and running a business (Bees Homes Property Limited), co-authoring a couple of books (“Navigating the Minefield” and “KM Cookbook“) conducting global masterclasses as well as undertaking pro bono work (President CILIP and a founding member of Eastbourne’s “Cobra” Committee and BSI’s KM Standards Committee). Frankly, as we were also dealing with a family bereavement, the last thing I was interested in was another assignment.

And it came concurrent with another request for assistance but I was attracted by the learning opportunity of revisiting previous recommendations.

I’ve always been a proponent of “Give / Get” or “Paying it forward”. That, if you put yourself out for others and give without expectation of reward, people will remember when you need to ask of them. And so it proved.

I sent a note (via LinkedIn) to some of my network. Here’s what I said:

I’ve been reflecting on 30 years of “KM” experience as a precursor for a new piece of work. I’m asking friends and close connections these questions.

…would you mind taking a stab at answering them. Obviously your response would be treated in confidence.

I was hugely appreciative of the many and varied responses and offers to chat about them. While preserving confidentiality I am sure the global contributors (drawn from industrial engineering, pharma, defence, law, consulting) will allow me a few observations. This was the first question:

What’s the #1 business issue you’ve been addressing?

Data Governance. All parts of the business are impacted by a lack of enterprise wide, fully integrated data governance strategy, tools and behaviours.
Timely provision of reference projects as well as exchange of lessons learned in the project business to avoid mistakes.
Embedding LfE (Learning from experience) in projects meant a long detour to first define a projects approach to embed into (!)
The amount of time it takes to approve consumer-facing knowledge has been my biggest challenge.
Ability to accurately map current capability and knowledge in digital and information professionals or subsequently plan for future needs.
Knowing what each other is doing and what each other knows.
Dealing with hybrid work model. From KM side it is document automation.

In 2017 in “Navigating the Minefield” I wrote as a summary observation on the programmes we’d looked at, Operational KM to the fore, Strategic KM to the rear.

Interestingly, 5 years on, the majority of the above are focussed on “burning platform” issues, hence tactically driven rather than strategic.

The exception is driven by the founder who insists senior managers take ownership of content placed on their practice management system. They recognise that their core product is knowledge and needs to be findable and reused where applicable.

It’s a theme I am finding time and again as organisations attempt to answer:

Where do I find?

What did we do?

Who knows?

What if they leave?

How do we create and share new knowledge?

And finally

Communication is at the heart of effective KM. Presenting findings or seeking input to an idea is often about putting yourself in the shoes of the recipient.

The simple act of putting a “Draft” watermark on a document when circulating it for comment among seniors and peers will send a powerful signal about ‘working out loud’ and challenge existing hierarchichal ways of working.

I’ve found a visualisation to be worth a thousand words. Here’s six drivers I believe underpin many KM programmes. I’d be interested in the thoughts of others.

In case you are wondering about the relevance of the picture (of a road in the medieval town of Warkwick) it’s where I got the idea of this article from!

Mind your language: when yes means no!

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A few weeks back I was in Maastricht, a town synonymous with a 1991 EU treaty I’d point to as the beginning of the movement to take the UK out of the European Union by those on the right of the Conservative Party led by Prime Minister John Major. This observation, from Elisabeth Hill-Scott, a political commentator, struck home:

Major was also able to argue that the Maastricht principle of ‘subsidiarity’ meant that more decisions could be devolved to the national level

I vividly remember the fractuous nature of the ensuing debate resulting in the eventual resignation of Prime Minister Major. I mention that example to emphasise how words (and places) shape our perception and how ambiguity, while useful in getting political treaties over the line can be destructive in a business environment where a second language is the vehicle of communication.

Back to July 2022. We were in Maastricht for my birthday to attend a twice postponed (due to Covid-19) concert by local boy made good Andre Rieu. Each year Andre and his orchestra occupy the town square in July for a series of open air dinner concerts. The audience is diverse, smart and multicultural. The lingua franca is English!

That we chose to travel via Le Shuttle on the day schools broke up for the summer term was poor planning though in mitigation when we originally booked the dates did not coincide. The additional presence of my 94 year old mother added to the sense of anxiety when, arriving on time for check in, we were told departures were being delayed by 3 hours! Our sense of frustration was exacerbated by the blame game that ensued with the UK Home Office castigating the French for the lack of border officials to check passports and the French opining it wasn’t them that changed the European travel rules. The truth, revealed by a Eurotunnel official, they were surprised by the demand and unprepared for the rush.

A gulf in perception

Apart from my wife Ana (who is Portuguese) and mother (who isn’t) we were joined by a Dutch friend Annette who lives and works in Germany and her German friend Gaby. The event was to prove a great backdrop to a series of conversations about perceptions, cultural nuances and miscommunication.

I’ll begin on the evening of the concert. Since my mother is no longer fleet of foot we needed to park as close to the main square as possible. An early arrival ensured we found an off road parking space. With no barriers, cameras or ticket machines, I was intrigued as to how parking fees were collected and non payment avoided. I was told people just come in and pay out of a sense of obligation.

A day later and the five of us are exploring Maastricht and surrounds. We noticed how the people who served us were smart, engaging and seemingly proud of their roles; and how respectful the clients were of them. Throughout our time there, eating or drinking proved to be a collaborative experience where the ‘server’ took pleasure in your pleasure.

There are staff shortages mainly due to Covid not a lack of interest. Being in hospitality is viewed as a career and not looked down on and seen as a retrograde step for those unable to get a real job!

Linguistic & cultural nuances

This got us onto the use of language. Surrounded by 3 people whose linguistic capabilities put mine to shame we discussed how the English tend to thrive on ambiguity (see Treaty of Maastricht interpretation above).

I shared my experience of managing the intergration of Dutch, German, US and English companies; how the word interesting is interpreted as a positive word by non English when it is quite likely to be a way of saying “not on my watch”.

Another word often used by native English speakers that can cause offence is tolerant. When describing how accomodating ‘we’ can be, I said we are tolerant. “You tolerate me?” was the sharp response! As a result I no longer use that phrase.

I first came across the phrase “Goat mouth” while conducting an interview with a President while on a Knowledge Management assignment in the Caribbean.

Slang expression for someone that has the ability to predict future outcomes (particularly unfavorable future outcomes that causes misfortunes)

https://jamaicanpatwah.com/term/Goat-mouth/1574#.YvuQxPHMJeU

Had I understood it at the time it would have put much of the remaining conversation into context. NB it showed the value of capturing (with the interviewees consent) the conversation and having it transcribed!

Finally, going back a decade, I am working on a project to improve collaboration and team working across a global organisation. Having surfaced a number of stories of behaviours and cultural nuances that separate and unite we create a “What makes us tick?” booklet that serves as a critical friend aimed at getting the team to reflect first and speak / write second.

And finally

You might be aware one of my prime interests is Bees Homes who sells beautiful homes.

The process of selling and buying a property in the UK is convoluted and alien to the majority of the rest of the world. Solicitors / Conveyancers are at the centre of the English process and their interpretation can derail a transaction especially when each has a different take of property & boundary law. When structural surveyors are instructed as they tend to be on older property purchases there is a need for careful interpretation of what their words really mean.

Here’s a true story:

A couple of friends were buying a wonderful but run down property commanding a magnificent view over Friston Forest. When they received the surveyor’s report they questioned whether they should go ahead with the purchase as it contained many comments of concern. Our friends who are practical business people decide to cut throught the caveats and legalese and ask a straight question:

“Are you aware the property has been empty for 4 years? If so would you buy it?”

The response: “No we weren’t. In that case in a heartbeat, all it needs is a little TLC”

Imagine then, selling a historic property to an overseas buyer who works for a parastatal organisation and prone to forensic interpretation of words. The propensity for misunderstanding and mistrust is great and requires the patience of Job. Phrases and words of professionals can be confusing to overseas clients and result in intransigent positions being adopted.

I suggest the English speaking world is privileged but lazy. Few of us speak another language yet we get offended when non native English speakers don’t grasp what we say or mean.

Here’s a mantra I developed many years ago to mitigate this issue. Taken from a post I wrote while helping a new multicultural management team come together:

Perhaps the most revealing was that nobody had English as his or her first language. We adopted this mantra as a way of overcoming potential misunderstanding:

‘I heard you to say…. and I understood you to mean….’

Further we agreed that whenever anyone did not understand a phrase or word they would seek clarification and record it on a white board along with a glossary of terms.

Thanks for reading